My husband does not dictate my politics or worth. Yes, white culture has long fetishized Asian women, long held them up as exotic prizes to be won by white men. In a speed-dating study conducted at Columbia University, Asian men had the most difficulty getting a second date. It does this to Asian-American women too, but the shock of dehumanizing women is still largely lost on American culture. Having an up-close perspective on how my husband and his family move through the world, versus how my family and I do, is eye-opening.
He then imagined what a black woman might say when asked if she liked Asian men: Why must we also be forced to prove how Asian we are? Who do you think we are? It keeps us divided. But this is a controversy in the Asian-American community. It does this to Asian-American women too, but the shock of dehumanizing women is still largely lost on American culture. The book, he said, could only have one page: That we ought to be with men of our own race if we truly feel Asian pride. I told them about my experience with the troll, expecting disgust, horrified disbelief, sympathy. There is a belief, largely perpetuated by certain Asian-American men, that Asian-American women who date and marry white men are opportunists trying to elevate themselves in white culture. I get a peek into the things they take for granted; the ease with which he and his brothers and sisters navigate most areas of American culture. This was in part because of their appearance they wore foreign silk tunics on their relatively lanky builds and partly due to the largely service-related jobs they took on after the gold rush cooks, dishwashers, laundrymen. Model and fitness coach Kevin Kreider , a Korean-American adopted by Irish-German parents, was so perturbed by his experiences on Tinder, he stopped using the app. Living in America, we are constantly asked to prove how American we are. Emasculating stereotypes, perpetuated in films and on TV shows , can put Asian men at a disadvantage in dating. The thing is, while Asian-American women bear the burden of culturally imposed expectations and prejudice, so do Asian-American men. My status as an Asian-American woman is not enhanced or compromised by my marriage to a white guy. That it nullifies her advocacy and renders her a hypocrite. I did not lose my identity or my beliefs when I married a white guy. Though he calmly spoke of cultural stereotypes, false equivalencies, and the racism visited upon Asian-American men and women since we first stepped foot in this country, his message was not new: To him, this made me a race traitor. In a speed-dating study conducted at Columbia University, Asian men had the most difficulty getting a second date. If anything, my marriage has made me double down, in no small part because of the people who question my Asianness. One OkCupid study from concluded that Asian men are found less desirable than other men on the app. Nobody owes anybody marriage or partnership. Here are the usual insults slung at Asian-American women who partner with white men:
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