How to deal with passive aggressive mother

07.10.2018 4 Comments

Unfortunately, growing up with a passive aggressive parent who gossiped left a destructive legacy that's been hard for me to shake all these years later. It's important that she doesn't talk this way to your children - my grandmother never did that to me, and I honestly would not have known how to deal with that. They act passive-aggressively toward people who won't call them out, she says, and who have very weak boundaries. It's not too late, though, for you to become aware of its impact on your life and change course like I did. She is just an older person who probably had difficulties, continuing to struggle and acting out her struggle.

How to deal with passive aggressive mother


I'm much happier, more confident, and welcome each day with a new-found enthusiasm. How to Change Course? Trivial incidents like the above send me into a quiet spiral of self doubt, guilt and sadness. What about undercutting the dynamic? Eventually, she'll either tire of the game or actually need to engage with you on some other level than childishly. Maybe it comes from a hurtful place, maybe it comes from one of anger and frustration. While my dad showed it on a regular basis, my mom never did. But in her case she flip flops from acting like she hates you to acting like she loves you and leaves you completely insecure. Since when don't I like cooked vegetables? You have choices here about what you do, but not about what she does. I wrote a couple comments in the past about parent relationships and I'd repeat this advice. A danger of confrontation is that statements turn too global -- phrases like "You're always this way! Or any other advice you can give me? But I feel like crap every time, and occasionally it triggers a panic attack which I deal with in private. That will hopefully help shield your vulnerable parts and also help you see her flaws in relationship to the rest of her, as opposed to in relationship to you. She is just an older person who probably had difficulties, continuing to struggle and acting out her struggle. When we give the silent treatment, pout, and retreat, we reveal that we have low self-esteem just as our passive aggressive parents did. No protestations, no panic attacks. While this made my passive aggressive mom temporarily feel better, it did nothing to solve the problem. Even when it didn't work or made things worse I always felt better afterwards. As a result, you may find it hard to open up, be honest, and sustain a long-term relationship. I grew up in a home where my mother gossiped and badmouthed people all the time, especially our family members, neighbors, and friends. My understanding of this sort of dynamic is that inside her an emotional bomb is going off where she is feeling intensely unloved, even hated by you. Anger has many positive qualities: Do you mistrust people because you think they're gossiping behind your back? Set limits -- and then follow through. Your passive aggressive parent avoided direct communication.

How to deal with passive aggressive mother


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4 thoughts on “How to deal with passive aggressive mother”

  1. Some suggest that passive-aggressive behavior may stem from being raised in an environment where the direct expression of emotions was discouraged or not allowed.

  2. You have to see her in a non-threatening light- non-emotionally threatening. Feel free to memail me.

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